HEALING CREATIVITY - PART I

My healing journey started in 2022, after a long period of doubt, unease and anxiety. I moved to Amsterdam in 2015 when I was 18 years old, leaving my bright and colourful home in the Caribbean for a busy life in the city. I studied law, and since the city felt cold and intimidating, I spent nearly every waking hour in my law books. I was so intrigued by the material that I took up many additional courses, started teaching law courses and worked as a paralegal. What I didn’t see is that I was filling every second of every day with distractions.

After completing my first Master’s degree in 2020, I went straight into another, mainly because I didn’t know what else to do. When that ended, I applied for a PhD position (another attempt to keep studying), but then… I got rejected. At the time, it felt like a shock. Now, I see the divine redirection it truly was. 

That rejection left me at a crossroads. For years, the university had been my safe haven, and suddenly, I had no plan. So, I booked a spontaneous solo trip to Portugal.

There, I rediscovered something in myself that had remained hidden for years. My adventurous and spontaneous side. My creative self. It was as if the young version of me had woken up in a new body and quite frankly, I was in shock. How was I suddenly living this busy Amsterdam life, with constant pressure from the outside world? Something that never resonated with me? But what was I supposed to do now, with this realisation? I had a whole life in Amsterdam now. I returned to Amsterdam, uncertain but determined to make it work (and genuinely not knowing what else to do).

For a while, I floated through random part-time jobs (yes, even corona testing) to postpone making real decisions. Eventually, I grew somewhat desperate for stability and applied for a position at a law firm that seemed slightly better and decided to give it a shot. Looking back, I know it was the pressure of feeling that I had to do something with the knowledge that I studied so long and hard for. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t a success.

Suddenly feeling “locked up” for 8 hours a day took a toll on me almost immediately. Winter came and it became dark outside - and inside of me as well. 

In November 2022, I returned to Portugal - this time with my best friend. We spent hours and hours talking, trying to find a way out of this mess I felt trapped in. Right before I went to Portugal, a mindfulness coach arranged through my job asked me the simple but powerful question: “What did you enjoy doing as a young girl?”.

I had reflected on this question deeply and told my friend: I used to draw for hours. She asked me if I could show her something, and I did. I remember the shock on her face. “YOU? Creative?” Her corporate lawyer friend had a side she didn’t know existed. To me, it demonstrates how far away I had drifted from who I truly am.

That moment sparked a deeper conversation and suddenly we spent hours talking about creativity - and how much both of us were missing it in our current lives and jobs. We made a promise to each other: when we go back to Amsterdam, we’ll spend more time being creative together.

And from that promise, Salty Studio was born. We envisioned creating a space where anyone could join us on this journey. I started teaching art classes, and slowly, a little fire started burning inside of me. I realised I hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Day by day, the soft whispers inside me grew stronger.

I knew I had to listen. I decided to quit my job and leave my legal career and the identity I had built around it. I also knew I had to leave Amsterdam to truly come home to myself: I needed silence. I needed to be alone. I packed my backpack and left for Costa Rica, with no end date in mind. I ended up spending 4 months in the jungle and did nothing but yoga, meditation, and endless drawing by the beach.

 Looking back at my drawings, I smile. It’s like a little girl drew them. And in a way, she did. It was young me that finally got some space to breathe, to play, to experiment. There was no pressure, no judgment. It’s like I opened the door to my creativity with a soft invitation. And the funny thing is, it rushed in without hesitation. It’s like it never left. And I guess it never did.

Now, almost two years later, I know that it’s time to pass this feeling forward and so I finally decided to share more about my journey up here. In my next blogs, I’ll elaborate more on the Salty Studio adventure, my own creative blockages and the evolvement of my own creativity.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this. If my story sparks even the tiniest inspiration in you, then my mission is already accomplished.